welcome to my flop era
it's not a comeback, but it's ~something~
Yes, I’m back! And not just for a week or two, but for the foreseeable future. Contrary to expectations, my return is not a sign that I finished writing my book and turned it in—oh nooo, if only—my return is in fact because there is no longer a book.
That’s right. After two-and-a-half years of talking about it, posting about my progress through the first and second and third drafts, and proudly pinning my Publishers Marketplace deal announcement to my social media accounts—I am starting over. Maybe even starting from Square -2, depending on how you look at things.
Even though I’ve had a few weeks now to process the news, I’m still in shock. It’s hard not to ruminate and reverse engineer every day since 2022, try to pinpoint where things began going wrong. In many ways, this is a divorce. As my ex-publisher and I unwound the economics and intellectual property and creative rights of our former shared endeavor, my brain veered into a territory formerly reserved for romantic breakups.
How could I have fixed this?
What did they want from me that I wasn’t able to provide?
I won’t be contemplating these lofty missives today—these are questions I will consider tomorrow in an essay (and accompanying video essay). Tomorrow—tomorrow—it will be all about the divorce.
Today is about the future of debrief. What you can expect, how often you can expect it, and whether you should become a paid subscriber. (If you are already a paid subscriber, I have unpaused subscriptions as of today and sincerely thank you for all of your support in the past and now.)
Here’s a sample month for debrief:
On:
First Fridays, you will receive an essay with video accompaniment. From the French word essayer, meaning “to try,” these essays will truly be attempts at communicating my brain into yours. Sometimes, it will be a think piece relating to work, culture, or being alive—like social capitalism, hating the institution of marriage, or the alleged dishonesties of Andrew Huberman. Other times, it will be frameworks for life I’ve developed or been trying out, such as the steps I took to set up my own law firm (Studio Legal LLP), or personal essays about selling out or how getting good grades contributed to my suicidality. As a preview for next month: I’m writing about the four (thus far) Biglaw firms who have struck deals with the Trump administration.
I will also record and edit these into video essays, so if you prefer audiovisual formats to text, you can watch/listen here or on my YouTube channel.Third Fridays, you will receive my asks & advice column, Of Counsel. This is where I answer whatever is on your mind! Previous questions have ranged from my organization method in Biglaw to dealing with perpetual dissatisfaction in career/life to what growing up in the Bay Area as an Asian American was like. You can submit questions using this form.
Second and Fourth Fridays, you will receive an essay for paid subscribers. These tend to be more personal and less filtered; expect frank discussions of mental health, finances, and relationships as I navigate communal living and community as an adult. I’ll also occasionally ask for feedback on nascent ideas and share whatever else has been on my mind. Think old-school blogs, although I promise I will be less annoying than I was on my middle school Xanga.
Select Mondays, you will receive an article of my curation (usually longform) with discussion questions (Read & Debrief, or R&D). I often find myself reading articles and then wanting to discuss them with others—like this piece in The Atlantic arguing that the decrease in geographic mobility inhibits the American Dream or this New York Magazine piece profiling 14 adult New Yorkers on how they receive parental help to support their lifestyles.
In the past, I would have brought it up with other associates and partners—I always found discussing articles to be a low-risk yet engaging way to get closer with colleagues. But I no longer work in an office and don’t have coworkers in the classic sense. Why not share it with you, then, as a surrogate coworker? After all, I am positive that if you’re a subscriber, we’d be work friends.
Moreover, for paid subscribers, I will put together a list of discussion questions stemming from the article that you can use with the people in your life with whom you want to become closer. Stone-faced boss who never seems to crack a smile in front of you? Kinda-sorta friend whom you’re dying to become better friends with? Relative on the other side of the political spectrum whom you nonetheless love and want to have a relationship with? Me too! Human connection is hard and embarrassing and cringe—but a worthy pursuit anyway. These questions will help.Fifth Weeks of the Month (when they occur), I’ll be taking a break! You should, too. Put down the phone, close the screen, and join me in taking yourself out on an Artist Date.
Going forward, I’ll also be paywalling posts older than six months. This isn’t to gatekeep any information; it’s to protect my own peace and circumscribe my digital existence. As always, the most important thing to me is having you here and being able to be in conversation with you. If you are a student without disposable income, un-or under-employed, or a minimum-wage worker, you can just fill out this form and I’ll comp you a subscription, no questions asked. And if you want access to a paywalled post for whatever reason, email me with the link to the post and I’ll send the full version to you. (I check these once every few weeks, so build that lead time into your expectations.)
Of course, if you want none of the above, want fewer emails in your life—I get it! You can elect to receive only what you’d like—for example, only Of Counsel columns or only substantial announcements (e.g., preorders, publication, events) about my book (if/when it comes back into existence lol)—by managing your notifications here:
I hope you’re as excited as I am for this next era! It may be my flop era, but there’s no one else I’d rather go through it with. Thank you for bearing with my absence over the past year. It was necessary for me to retreat into the lonely recesses of my brain to write the manuscript I ended up writing, even if it may never see the light of day.
And now that we’ve addressed the future, we can talk about the past: the divorce. Tomorrow. Stay tuned.
Here from your Tik Tok community! Excited to follow you on here and read your writing. Thanks for being vulnerable and showing us the other side of writing as a career.
I am following you on all other platforms, but am a recent convert to the benefits of Substack, so happy to be following along here, too. I’m sorry to hear about the book. I recently had an opportunity that I thought was in my grasp fall through and in spite of my huge disappointment at the time, I’m now looking at it as an opportunity for other things to come into my life. Not sure if you’re ready for that yet but thought I’d share. Hope you’re doing okay.