new year, third draft

a mini-update

Happy 2025!! The end of 2024 was a whirlwind. I went back to China to visit my relatives and wound up unintentionally getting cast in a contemporary Chinese wedding ceremony. I’m still processing my emotions about the trip, which I’ll discuss in a future essay/video, but I will say—Chinese wedding capes go hard.

The cape weighed 20 pounds, and the photographer kept on telling me to lean back because I was leaning forward too much—as one does when pulling a heavy weight on one’s back!!

I got back to the U.S. right before Election Day and spent a good week reading more analyses about what happened than was probably healthy. By the time my editor sent me a proposed deadline for my next draft, I realized I’d been wallowing for too long—and now had to aim for 3000 words a day to meet the deadline. (For comparison, I averaged 844 words per day in my first draft.)

Needless to say, I gave myself gastritis from the stress of it all.¹ But miraculously, I pulled it off. For those of you who like tracking spreadsheets, here’s how it went:

Some of these days were truly low-productivity (ahem 279), but I was impressed by how often I was able to crack 3000!

It was easier to write more words in draft 3 than draft 1, obviously, because I could take words written in draft 1 or draft 2. Further, because draft 2 was basically a second draft 1, I had a lot of raw words to look at and reflect on as I went through draft 3. For me, re-writing has always been much easier than writing in the first place, so this draft was the first time I actually felt—dare I say it—positive about the whole endeavor..?

I drew the above diagram to illustrate the differences between drafts for me. The stick figure is, of course, me, and the circle is the boundaries of my manuscript.

• Draft 1: All over the place. I’m trying to write away from myself, because I don’t want to center myself on the pages. I struggle a lot with the inherent narcissism of writing—who am I to write words that others would read?—and the paragraphs and sections are littered with themes and motifs pointing every which way. Family? Capitalism? Self-loathing? I’m not sure yet what I want to say, and it shows.

• Draft 2: I grow more comfortable with the fact that I am the narrative voice of the manuscript, by necessity. Even the most seemingly “pure” nonfiction books center the author, although they may be obscured by clever uses of character and avoiding the use of the word “I.” Paragraphs are still all over the place, but a few themes are beginning to emerge.

• Draft 3: The first draft where I feel in control of the narrative, like most paragraphs are pointing towards the same direction. There is a vector to the pages, something I want to say. Some paragraphs and sections still work against these themes and theses, but they’re nonetheless beginning to emerge.

I will be honest: Draft 1 and Draft 2 sucked to write. Every word I put down felt like pulling teeth. I fought myself every step of the way. If I didn’t have the specter of contractual obligation hanging over me, I probably would have bailed on the project. It’s this fact that makes me still doubt that I’m a “real writer,” because real writers would enjoy writing first drafts, would enjoy the process all the way. (Or so I tell myself.)

Now that I’ve turned in my third draft—which is likely the penultimate draft—I’ll have some new posts for y’all in January! In addition to 2025 resolutions (because I love the process of making resolutions), I’ve been following the TikTok ban with interest—SCOTUS will be hearing oral arguments tomorrow—and have a mishmash of articles saved that I’d love to share.

I know I haven’t been very active online due to book leave, but I do appreciate y’all and am excited to share a little more during this in-between-drafts period again. I’ll be back in full force this year, too! Miss you xx

My RA sent me this photo of their printed/bound copy of the third draft. Isn’t she glorious??

1. The first time this happened was in high school, during a particularly intense period of tests and extracurriculars. Maybe it was re-studying for the SAT? Something like that?