Thank you Cece for sharing, a lot of what you said really resonates with me. When I was a little kid, I used to think that the Olympic Games were truly "unhappy" or even tragic events. The reason: for every winner, the Games would produce at least a few dozens losers, and as a result the Olympic Games were arithmetically designed to produce "net" unhappiness. Underlying this seemingly childish way of looking at things is an assumption that still dictates many aspects of my adult life: my happiness is fueled by measurable achievements. The "achievement" part is easy to understand: it is not enough that I get to do what I love, it is not enough that I enjoy the process; rather, I must also produce "results", I must "win", regardless of how slim the odds are. The "measurable" part is harder to grasp but no less insidious: the only outcomes that count are those that can be quantified by some "objective" measure (school ranking, salary, job title, etc.), which means that my subjective definitions of success (such as mastery, growth, or even the courage to start) hardly matter. This is where jealousy seeps in, for measurement invites comparison, and comparison is the thief of joy.
I'm doing what I love, which is bootstrapping my own startup. In many ways, I feel as if I'm doing what I was born to do. Does this mean that I was born into a life of unhappiness simply because my odds of achieving measurable success are extremely low? When things get tough, I sometimes picture myself as a runner in the final 100-meter race in the Olympics. If I knew that I would finish last, would I still start? Would I still give it my best? Of course. Because the other runners trained and pushed themselves knowing that I would start and give my best. Because there would be no race, nothing to inspire the world without me, the runner who finishes last but who finishes nevertheless. And damn it, it's the Olympics! Just being there is already cause for celebration! Just having brought my company into existence already fills me with joy. So yes, I'll always start and see it through to the end regardless of the outcome, and I hope you would too!
that's a really wonderful way to think of it, harry, and i totally agree! i've been thinking lately about how little i enjoyed academic life in undergrad because i was busy trying to maintain a good GPA for law school--as a result, i graduated with latin honors but don't remember many of my classes and find my academic experience quite forgettable. in contrast, i LOVED the classes i took in law school. i didn't get any honors in law school but still think of the books and articles i read and the discussions i had with professors from that time. running that 100-meter race was absolutely worth it, even if i came in last. i'm happy to hear that you've found something that motivates you and gives you intrinsic pleasure--i'm rooting for you!!
Congrats on your new firm and all the progress you’ve made on the book, Cece! I’m happy (haha!) for you & eagerly anticipating 2025 :)
I used to be a Really Jealous Bitch as an adolescent and I felt a lot of shame whenever I was envious of someone. I think it’s definitely healthier to interrogate feelings of jealousy the way you do rather than put a lid of them and pretend they don’t exist. Thanks for the candour!
thanks so much, dana! i've been surprised at how much easier it is to feel happy for others but not yourself, ha. and how did you get over being a RJB?? we need to know your secrets!!
100 per cent agree that jealousy - and who you are jealous of - can be a fantastic tool to work out what it is you really want. And also completely resonate with the feeling that it’s my inability to feel happy and fulfilled that’s the issue, not the job I’m in. Wonderful substack - thanks!
seriously--i read the question asked and just became so disappointed in myself that i couldn't say that i was OFC happier. if only happiness were so simple all the time as changing jobs or moving! (it sometimes is, of course, but often times not.) thank you for reading and leaving this lovely comment!
My conclusion is a little different to yours though (if I interpreted it correctly):
I'll still work for and chase after the per se "fulfilment mirages" because all in all achievement and improvement is net good and the but-for is worse, but I'm under no illusion that any of it will make me *feel* more fulfilled, materially or not.
Where I've landed basically boils down to the position of I'm willfully being "content" and I accept the level of fulfilment I feel right now will be the same going forward regardless of what I achieve. Feels marginally defeatist in a way but also liberating in a "live laugh love" way, but I feel this is right for me?
To borrow another popular phrase: I am cringe but I am free 🙏.
I like how honest you are about jealousy, really inspiring from my perspective. Makes me want to write up something detailing my own struggles when it comes to dealing with vengeance and wrath.
please do!! i think writing about these uncomfortable emotions is so beneficial--to yourself and others. i know i have a lot of vengeance and wrath in me and it always comes out in not great ways...
Thank you Cece for sharing, a lot of what you said really resonates with me. When I was a little kid, I used to think that the Olympic Games were truly "unhappy" or even tragic events. The reason: for every winner, the Games would produce at least a few dozens losers, and as a result the Olympic Games were arithmetically designed to produce "net" unhappiness. Underlying this seemingly childish way of looking at things is an assumption that still dictates many aspects of my adult life: my happiness is fueled by measurable achievements. The "achievement" part is easy to understand: it is not enough that I get to do what I love, it is not enough that I enjoy the process; rather, I must also produce "results", I must "win", regardless of how slim the odds are. The "measurable" part is harder to grasp but no less insidious: the only outcomes that count are those that can be quantified by some "objective" measure (school ranking, salary, job title, etc.), which means that my subjective definitions of success (such as mastery, growth, or even the courage to start) hardly matter. This is where jealousy seeps in, for measurement invites comparison, and comparison is the thief of joy.
I'm doing what I love, which is bootstrapping my own startup. In many ways, I feel as if I'm doing what I was born to do. Does this mean that I was born into a life of unhappiness simply because my odds of achieving measurable success are extremely low? When things get tough, I sometimes picture myself as a runner in the final 100-meter race in the Olympics. If I knew that I would finish last, would I still start? Would I still give it my best? Of course. Because the other runners trained and pushed themselves knowing that I would start and give my best. Because there would be no race, nothing to inspire the world without me, the runner who finishes last but who finishes nevertheless. And damn it, it's the Olympics! Just being there is already cause for celebration! Just having brought my company into existence already fills me with joy. So yes, I'll always start and see it through to the end regardless of the outcome, and I hope you would too!
that's a really wonderful way to think of it, harry, and i totally agree! i've been thinking lately about how little i enjoyed academic life in undergrad because i was busy trying to maintain a good GPA for law school--as a result, i graduated with latin honors but don't remember many of my classes and find my academic experience quite forgettable. in contrast, i LOVED the classes i took in law school. i didn't get any honors in law school but still think of the books and articles i read and the discussions i had with professors from that time. running that 100-meter race was absolutely worth it, even if i came in last. i'm happy to hear that you've found something that motivates you and gives you intrinsic pleasure--i'm rooting for you!!
Congrats on your new firm and all the progress you’ve made on the book, Cece! I’m happy (haha!) for you & eagerly anticipating 2025 :)
I used to be a Really Jealous Bitch as an adolescent and I felt a lot of shame whenever I was envious of someone. I think it’s definitely healthier to interrogate feelings of jealousy the way you do rather than put a lid of them and pretend they don’t exist. Thanks for the candour!
thanks so much, dana! i've been surprised at how much easier it is to feel happy for others but not yourself, ha. and how did you get over being a RJB?? we need to know your secrets!!
100 per cent agree that jealousy - and who you are jealous of - can be a fantastic tool to work out what it is you really want. And also completely resonate with the feeling that it’s my inability to feel happy and fulfilled that’s the issue, not the job I’m in. Wonderful substack - thanks!
seriously--i read the question asked and just became so disappointed in myself that i couldn't say that i was OFC happier. if only happiness were so simple all the time as changing jobs or moving! (it sometimes is, of course, but often times not.) thank you for reading and leaving this lovely comment!
What a beautiful piece!
The hedonic treadmill truly captures us all 🫠
I come back to this 7 year old post often (https://www.reddit.com/r/consulting/comments/419ovl/the_happiness_treadmill/) when I catch myself yearning for that *next thing* too strongly.
My conclusion is a little different to yours though (if I interpreted it correctly):
I'll still work for and chase after the per se "fulfilment mirages" because all in all achievement and improvement is net good and the but-for is worse, but I'm under no illusion that any of it will make me *feel* more fulfilled, materially or not.
Where I've landed basically boils down to the position of I'm willfully being "content" and I accept the level of fulfilment I feel right now will be the same going forward regardless of what I achieve. Feels marginally defeatist in a way but also liberating in a "live laugh love" way, but I feel this is right for me?
To borrow another popular phrase: I am cringe but I am free 🙏.
I like how honest you are about jealousy, really inspiring from my perspective. Makes me want to write up something detailing my own struggles when it comes to dealing with vengeance and wrath.
please do!! i think writing about these uncomfortable emotions is so beneficial--to yourself and others. i know i have a lot of vengeance and wrath in me and it always comes out in not great ways...