my secret to success? office gossip.
how to become BFFs with your coworkers
🎶 Catch You Catch Me - Card Captor Sakura (Hinata Megumi)​
The air is getting colder, the Canada Goose jackets are coming out, and I need to go buy a Starbucks holiday cup for the nth time because I just love them. This past week, Shannon of FluentlyFoward invited me to be a guest on her podcast, where I gave my absolutely not legal advice takes on celebrity lawsuits, and she in turn forced me to admit that my childhood crush is still 12-years-old and perpetually 2D. If you have travel coming up for Thanksgiving, make sure to download these extra-long episodes to listen to while driving, on the train, or on the plane! I promise that it's the perfect mix of dishy and thoughtful.
As for what to expect in this newsletter, read on to learn my three tactics for gathering office intelligence--or as some people like to call it, "office gossip." They have served me well over the years, and I hope they will do the same for you--but only for good!
using gossip for good.
Depending on whom you ask, I am either problematically nosy or delightfully curious. I had an extremely strong sense of self as a child, but that all changed when my mom took me on a 14-hour plane ride halfway around the world. I didn't know what was going on when I stepped foot into the United States for the first time, but I also knew that I didn't know what was going on--a dangerous combination for my four-year-old self. An only child, I was spoiled by my grandparents in China and frequently told by the adults around me that I was smart. But as I listened to the airport chatter that sounded like gibberish around me, I did not feel smart--and thus began my 20-year quest to feel smart (and be recognized as such, although that is a different story altogether).
During the first week of my ~fAnCY~ biglaw internship (not to be confused with my lovely but positively un-fancy Department of Justice internship the summer before), my mom gave me one piece of advice: "Make yourself useful! Maybe pop into a partner's office and ask them if you can go grab them coffee?"
It seemed like absolutely awful advice.
I wasn't sure when or where I had developed this sense that I should, in fact, never offer to do things like pick up coffee or grab dry cleaning for the people with whom I worked, but I instinctively recoiled at my mom's suggestion. While I could envision circumstances in which those actions might be viewed as proactive or thoughtful, I had the distinct sense that those circumstances were, in any event, not the circumstances facing me at the law firm. Women are already disproportionately expected to be responsible for "office housework"--planning parties, ordering food, taking notes in meetings, joining committees that don't directly contribute to career advancement--and I did not want to be left "holding the mop," as Senator Elizabeth Warren calls it.
My solution? Office intelligence gathering or, according to some, office gossip. To be honest, I was surprised by some of the comments to my TikTok about figuring out how to gather intelligence in the workplace (although maybe I should stop being surprised by comments, at this point). Many called it office gossip, thought that my asking the executive assistants out to coffee was coldly utilitarian and transparent, or believed I was advising people to go up to others and ask, verbatim, "What is the office political landscape like?" While there are certainly toxic forms of gossiping (separate from the general misogyny of gossip's connotation), one skill that all good gossips tend to have is the ability to tailor words and actions to fit the situation. Good gossips (and good spies) recognize that a certain level of finesse is necessary to get the information that you want--and that sense of finesse is, in fact, weirdly useful outside the realms of gossip, as well.
Practice makes perfect, but the question of how to "practice" gossiping is daunting. Always start off with the low-hanging fruit--try out different strategies to get a colleague to start talking about their outside-of-work interests (or family or something else relatively innocuous). This list is by no means complete, but I've compiled the following arsenal over the years:
Give a little, get a little. You know how we tend to default to "good" or "fine" when asked about how we are or how our weekend was? Stop that! Use that question as an opportunity to open up a little and in turn indicate to the other person that they can open up a little, too. Don't trauma-dump on the person, but elaborating a little on something that's been bothering you or that you've been thinking of can do wonders to grease the intelligence-sharing relationship. Even something as simple as, "I went to an anime convention over the weekend and got to see VTubers perform in front of real-life crowds, which was interesting because XYZ," gives the other person something to work with and respond to.
Ask about things in their office. I love being in the office at least some of the time (one of the things I miss most right now, as I work from my home desk 100% of the time), and one of the reasons was because it gives me so much fodder for getting to know others. Pictures, deal toys, diplomas--the items that someone has in their office is usually an indication of something about them, so ask about it. "Is that your daughter? How old is she?" is a creepy thing to ask someone out of the blue but completely appropriate when in someone's office and glancing at a photo of their daughter.
Make space for them to vent. A lot of corporate jobs involve being on conference calls and group meetings. Inevitably, clients or opposing counsel or someone will say something egregious or act rudely during those calls/meetings. When that happens, I like to make a comment to my colleague(s) about how "aggressive" or "defensive" so-and-so was being--just an offhand remark, really, to signal to others that it's a safe space if they want to talk about it. Oftentimes, they do want to talk about it. We tend to think work should be rational and emotionless, but that's just not the case for a lot of type A overachievers who tend to attach to their work, and I myself have really been grateful to the people who have allowed me to vent and show frustration after particularly bad calls or meetings (in which I don't get credit for something, get ignored, get blamed, etc.). Carve out that breathing room for others, particularly POC.
Start off with the small things, and eventually, it will feel more natural to ask about the larger things like the office political landscape (although please, for the love of God, do not use that term when talking about it!). And remember--always remember--to use your powers of gossip for good and to help others, not to tear others down.
🔖 open tabs
​The Washington Post lambasts Yale's mental health policies. I did use some of Yale's mental health resources (for my disordered eating) while I was a student, and they were--as the students interviewed in the piece contend--disappointing. Counseling sessions were extremely short, without a clear sense of finding appropriate counselors for specific circumstances, and quite isolating. The pressures to withdraw from the university for students suffering from mental health issues and the reinstatement requirements are nothing short of baffling. After all, it was a running joke among my class that students could commit crimes and still graduate from Yale (by just taking a leave of absence for two years), so the differential treatment for students experiencing depression, anxiety, and the like is altogether more confusing. Yale's short, clearly legal-reviewed and PR-reviewed response makes it even more disappointing and confusing--90% of students seeking reinstatement the first time were approved, but what about the 10%? These are high achievers--they would likely do anything to avoid that 10% possibility of "disapproval," including ignoring their own pressing mental health needs. Wow.
At Anime NYC this past weekend, I watched large IRL crowds gather in front of a large screen... to watch Vtubers perform. It was the first time that I had witnessed this interesting intersection of the physical and virtual worlds, and I was riveted. The crowd clapped and sang along to songs that the Vtuber performed, and it felt like a karaoke bar at times. Since then, I've been reading all about Vtubing and wondering if I myself would have liked to "perform" online as someone else. Would I give myself bigger boobs? Make myself more European-looking? Or would I just make an avatar version of myself, as I am? It's an interesting thought experiment about representation to ourselves and to the outer world.
In the next newsletter, I'll be able to announce details about my book (and book deal)! In the meantime, even though I've gone through the process, I still find myself reading up guides on other authors' publishing journeys to compare my experience with--as well as to get a preview of what the future holds. Although in the markedly different genre of fiction, I've learned a lot from Stephanie Wrobel's posts and Stephanie Meyer's story. I've seen several questions in the Ask Cece inbox about how to get published, how to get an agent, etc., and the Stephanies' websites are great resources for navigating publishing (as my own story is markedly more mundane--through a connection).
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