How you manage to service everything in your life? You seem to have a very rich, full life, and I wonder how you manage to fit in working a demanding job, a relationship, friendships, hobbies, do laundry, etc. This is something I personally really struggle with so any advice would be much appreciated.
- Anonymous
​Being an adult is surprisingly tough! I always used to think that as long as I went to a "good" school and got a "good" job, being an adult would be fairly straightforward. But you're absolutely right that the demands of everyday life can pile up and pile up--work calls, dating or a romantic relationship, friendships, hobbies, chores, etc. No matter how much it may seem from the outside (or from social media) that someone is "doing it all," they really aren't--there are only so many hours in the day, and if someone is claiming that they worked 12 hours that day, went on a date, and did laundry, they are frankly either lying or sleeping very little. Neither of which are good.
The key to servicing everything in your life is to focus on that word--servicing. It's not about doing everything yourself, but rather ranking all of your duties/obligations from what you like to do to what you least like to do. After you've done that, place the activities into these quadrants:
For example, many biglaw attorneys do not clean their own home or do their own laundry. Some (including me) rarely cook for themselves; some do not pick up their kids from school; some do not even shop for their own clothing. These are all activities that we have decided are in Quadrant II--activities we don't like to do but still have to do, so we outsource them in order to have time to spend on activities in Quadrant I and Quadrant IV. Quadrant IV activities are particularly challenging to make time for sometimes, because they are completely voluntary and thus often fall to the wayside as you tackle the things you have to do. Being able to exchange time spent in Quadrant II for time spent in Quadrant IV will significantly help you feel like you are living a rich, fulfilling life, rather than tackling endless to-do lists that never get done. I like to schedule Quadrant IV activities as soon as I can--for example, I book all of my workout classes on Sunday for the following week, set a date to meet friends for coffee/drinks in the next few weeks the moment we talk about it, and reserve 10pm onwards for spending time with my partner. Did I manage to make it every single time, when I was in biglaw? No--but I also didn't cancel as much as I thought I would have to. Intentionality, supported by managing up, goes a long way.
Now, I recognize that Quadrant II is an immense privilege--it assumes that work is lucrative enough to be able to outsource certain obligations. That is not true for many people. When that is the case, Quadrant II will need to be scheduled into your life, as well, just as with Quadrant IV. The key here is to distinguish between what really has to get done and what doesn't really have to get done. For example, doing laundry is something that you have to do--but dealing with complicated laundering instructions and multiple loads can be minimized by relying primarily on machine washable clothes. Even business clothing comes in machine washable types--one of the reasons I was such a big fan of M.M.LaFleur dresses. Overall, recognize that you are juggling many balls at once and dropping some will be inevitable--the important thing is to know which balls are the plastic ones that you can drop and which ones are the glass ones that you should endeavor to not drop. And when you do drop the plastic balls, just keep right on juggling.
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